Friday, December 26, 2008


Christmas Eve gifts from the Pate Party. I don't remember who had Elias's name,but he got this cool car that can drive on the wall. And a toy wrestler from grandma.Little cousin Harley had Megans name and she gave her the glam girl makeup set. And grandma gave her some cat statues. Elias was TIRED!!!!

On Christmas Eve I gave the kids the quilts I made and a webkinz. Elias a frog and Megan a mommy and baby cat. And of course new pj's. They both already had a webkinz,so they were excited to get more!!

Grandma gave them this little tree for their room, so I put a few little things under their little tree. Good thing I had extra stocking stuffers because before they went to sleep they asked if I could leave some presents under their little tree.

Presents under the tree.

Kids FINALLY sleeping. We won't discuss how many times Megan was up during the night. I will just say that I was exhausted Christmas day!!!!

Grandma gave Megan a cupcake maker , and Elias a skateboard.

Megan with her stuff Christmas morning.

Elias with his stuff Christmas morning.

So we had a great Christmas!!! Our smaller budget for the kids went over very well. I don't think they even noticed that they got less. Especially considering they had gifts from other family to open Christmas morning as well. Thats why it looks like alot in the pictures. Our 3 gift thing worked great, the only thing that really happened different than I planned was the nintendo DS situation. I was planning to get a used one for them to share,remember? Well, Chris thought that wasn't such a good idea, since there is so much that comes unknown with used electronics,you know? And also, he thought they each needed their own because he did not want to hear them argue over whose turn it is,etc. I admit it would have been a daily battle to keep it running smoothly. So I gave in and they each got their own DS,cases and one game each and 3 other gifts. Elias's star wars action figures all counted as one, and megans petshop stuff counted as one...bakugan stuff counted as one. I did it that way simply because it made sense to me. For their Christmas morning pictures they arranged all their stuff, including stocking stuffers,gifts from great grandparents and gifts from my family.

I didn't get a picture of Elias with his skateboard,which he got from grandma peggy Christmas day,and his star wars stuff from timothy ( who had his name to buy for on the Deaver side). Megan got a petshop winter wonderland set thingy from Carolina who had her name on the Deaver side(also no picture).I forgot to bring a camera to the family parties. Thank you timmy and Carolina,they loved their gifts!!!!
And Nephi is with his dad so I don't have pics of his Christmas yet. I wish I could see his face though. I sent him a HUGE box full of stuff. A camera,webkinz,blanket made by me,clothes,dvd's,some books,and a stocking stuffed with goodies!!! I can hardly wait until I see him again!!! Few more months to go until I bring him home!!!! Thank goodness for phones and webcams!!!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Ugly fat rat

Look at this thing.
I just happened to be standing at my front door the other day....
NOT spying on the neighbors...
when I saw this gigantic ugly rat just strolling down the lane. Like he owns the neighborhood. Like he doesn't have a care in the world.
Gotta love North Carolina wildlife.
....Fat ugly muskrat who ruined the little pond in my inlaws backyard.

Friday, November 7, 2008

I hate the school bus

So when the bus driver drops the kids off yesterday,she calls me out there to talk to me. When I got to the bus I saw Megan standing there crying.

There is a kid on the bus who bullies the other kids. Not physically, but verbally. I have the pamphlet on bullying that the school gave all parents at the start of the school year, so I KNOW that what he is doing is bullying.

I read the pamphlet.

And come to think of it, he does hit other kids on the bus,but has never hit mine.

SO anyways, the bus drivers explains to me that this kid,his name is Nick, was telling Megan "yo mama so fat..." jokes. Now I realize that to some people this is funny, and the "yo mama" thing is really..."cool" right now. And in some cases the words "yo mama" are ok to play around with. But not to sheltered and overprotected kids like mine. Megan thought he was actually directing these insults at me. And I understand how she could misinterpret this. Because I am overweight right now. And Because my kids are not allowed to use "yo mama is so fat..." jokes. So Megan lost it. she didn't do anything physical to anyone,she just cried.

And yes, she got in trouble for freaking out on the bus.

And I talked with her about how some people think inappropriate jokes are funny but we don't etc,etc. And I had actually let the whole thing go until this morning when the neighbor girl came to wait for the bus with us. She told me how Nick bugs the other kids and how the bus driver won't do anything about it because "Nick has freedom of speech". Ya.

So when the bus came, my blood was boiling from the fact that she has such a passive attitued about kids who bully other kids. SO I walked to the bus with the kids and called her on it. You should have seen her face. I wish I had my camera. I asked her how this is ok and she replies"well, I can't just make the kids sit and behave". "Um.... ",I said to her,"excuse me? There are things called rules? Don't you think it is kind of rediculous for every kid on this bus to have 'freedom of speech' where they can do and say whatever they want without consequence? Don't you think that will cause problems? And maybe and accident, because it has to be distracting? " She says" yes". I said "ok, well I am going to go in the house and call the assistant principle and see what she says". Well, the bus driver politely dismissed me and drove off with my kids and 50 other kids who are doing and saying who knows what and maybe causing an accident. By now I am BOILING OVER with anger. I cannot believe the attitude of this bus driver.

I used to like her because she was so punctual and comes at exactly 7 am everyday. I have no choice but to have the kids ride the bus. Chris gets home too late in the morning to drive them to school and I don't have a drivers licence. Ya, I know, don't judge. Bad experiences which have made me terrified to drive and therefore don't anymore. But that's for another day.

Hopefully she will return my call. And if she doesn't I will keep calling the school until she speaks to me. Because I want and explanation as to why this kid has so much freedom of speech on the bus and can get away with bullying and hitting but my kid gets in trouble for crying on the bus.

If they don't do anything about it I am calling "5 on your side". The news chanel that gets answers when no one else can. Yep, I am.

Oh, and go here to enter Devri's giveaway. I was sure I had already linkied to it but obviously I did not.

Sunday, November 2, 2008


ok, so it was a rough week.
Monday teacher work day, so kids at home which means no relaxing time.Tuesday was the day of the yelling. Wednesday Elias got sent home sick from school. Thursday I was worn out already and stressing over Halloween costumes. And of course Friday was Halloween.
But we won't talk about that anymore.Just put it in the past,right?

Ok, so Halloween. It was a busy day. When Chris got home from work in the morning he decided we needed to go buy new tires. Good thing we did because when we got to the tire place,we noticed one of the front tires starting to split. That would have been a disaster having the tire split with the kids in the car,and to get anywhere around here you need to drive awhile. SO we got the tires. Took 2 hours.

Then we stopped at Walmart. I had never been to this particular Walmart because we don't really go to Clinton at all. So we went. I have to say that this walmart had the BEST craft section I had ever seen!!! I think I counted 6 aisles of craft stuff. Plus a sewing and fabric section!!! Plus the back walls. SO more like 10 aisles. It was amazing. They had everything! Of course I couldn't leave without getting something. Or a lot of somethings. I won't say how much money I spent, but lets just say I did not get a cart on the way in and so I had to grab a basket from the basket section and even after that was full I was overflowing and my arms were numb by the time we got to the checkout. Ok, so about 1.5 hours in Walmart. Then home.

By now it was 1pm and I had not slept really at all the night before and I was really hoping for a nap. I tried but could not fall asleep because I knew I still had costumes to finish.

I didn't get any Halloween cookies made. I am still going to make them because I promised them to the kids. So what if it is after Halloween. At least I will be able to say I made them.

Trunk or treat started at 6:30 so at 5 I started getting the kids ready. Elias changed his mind about his costume 20 times just while getting ready!!. Can you say STRESS??!!!! And I had to put an entire new elastic in Megans lady bug tutu. So good thing I started getting them ready early.

We were ready barely on time. SO I did not get any pictures.

And by the time we got home their makeup was all smeared. But a friend of mine took pics at the trunk or treat so I will have some,just not today.

I did however get a few pictures of Booboo while the kids were at school that day. He decided to be a bumble bee. He wore his costume willingly. I think he knew he was being spoiled by getting a fancy costume when the other cats did not.
Anyways, now to battle the sugar rushes. We used to take the candy,hide it in our closet and only let them have 2 pieces per day but that seemed to go on forever and into the next year before all the candy was gone ,so now we just let them have it and in less than a week it's gone. I hate candy so this just makes it be over faster. I don't ever buy them candy so the kids really look forward to Halloween and Christmas and Easter.
This coming week will hopefully be ok. We are having our primary presentation next sunday. Other than that I don't have too much to worry about this week,thankfully.
Unless someone gets sick.
Knock on wood.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Bad Mom Tuesday.

It is only 7:03 am and I already wish the day was done.
I just put my kids on the school bus and I think I will go cry after I write this.

Yesterday was a teacher work day.
Megan had homework on friday. They NEVER have homework on friday.
She did not tell me she had homework, and therefore I could not remind her to do it. You see where this is going.....

So this morning she has an all out FIT because I did not remind her to do her homework. 5 minutes before the bus comes she decides to cry over this. She WAILED about how she needs to stay home now,her life os over,she doesn't want her teacher to me mad......

"FORGET IT " I yelled. Yes I yelled. I yelled About how she better lose the attitude,go to school and face her consequences ( silent lunch-sitting at a table by herself in the lunch room doing homework) or Halloween is cancelled.AT 6:55 am. And I am sure the neighbors heard me.

Then Elias starts crying because my yelling scared him. And he does not want me to cancel Halloween.

I stood my ground. I once again yelled that if there are any attitudes when the bus comes,NO HALLOWEEN.

Trunk or treat is friday and in our ward its one of those ---you can't miss it--- parties. Contests,treats,games,the whole shebang.So of course the sobbing and the wailing continues because I am threatening to cancel Halloween. I didnt know what else to do. It is my only amunition at this point. Their beloved Halloween.

So then I beg them to stop crying by saying I will make Halloween cupcakes today so they can have a nice tasty snack after school.

Silence. Sheesh, if only I had thought of bribing them from the start.
Silly mom.

And maybe she really did forget. But still. She needs to be responsible. She is,after all, 11 years old.

So I hope and pray they have a good day.
I hate sending kids to school after yelling at them. I feel like they are going to be sad all day now. I don't normally yell at them. I only pull that one out when I need it to stop NOW, which in the last few months is rare. Because they have been really good.Which makes it worse. Because now they probably went to school feeling like mama doesn't love them. Which is heart breaking. It has been forever since the last time I had to yell at them before going to school. And the last time I did I ended up calling the school and asking how they were. And telling the secretary how we had a rough morning and I yelled and they cried.And telling her how if Megan says anything to anyone that the reason is because I yelled. And I could feel her thoughts through the phone. She probably thought I had beat her. Which only made it worse. Because I do not spank let alone beat.
So I won't call the school this time.

I feel like a terrible mother. I wish it was tomorrow.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Tagged by Laura

5 years ago...
1. Running a Daycare out of my house by day and working at Western Wats by evening.
2. Preparing for Nephi's Baptism
3. My sister was living with me in Lethbridge Alberta
4. Elias was 3.
5. Megan called me at work sobbing because she and my sister found our guinea pig Bernard dead in its cage.

Things on my list for today
1. Get appointment with Dermatologist
2. call/email everyone and cancel choir practice
3. get recipe for homemade laundry soap
4. laundry
5. clean the litter box
6. hopefully go to Elias's cubscout meeting
7. clean bathrooms

5 snacks I enjoy
1. salt and vinegar chips
2. chocolate ( but not dark)
3. pickles
4. cheese
5. apples

5 things I would do if I was a millionaire
1. Pay off all debt
2. Buy a new house
3. Buy a new car
4. put aside money for kids college and missions
5. Buy a really nice ring and a bunch of new clothes
oh....and let Chris open a R/C hobby shop

5 places I have lived
1. Regina, Saskatchewan
2. Raymond, Alberta
3. Lethbridge,Alberta
4. Brooks,Alberta
5. Mount olive,North Carolina

5 jobs I have had
1. A&W ( I was the early morning weekend onion ring maker)
2. Wendy's (on and off for 10 years)
3. Western Wats ( market research)
4. Daycare (on and off for 10 years)
5. Office manager

Tag 5 people......
1. April
2. Holly J.
3. Ailyn
4. Karen S.
5. Devri

Saturday, October 4, 2008

sicky cold and motorcycles

I feel like Poo today.
I can't breathe out of my nose,and therefore cannot sleep well. I woke up during the night with snot running down my face.

Sorry about the grossness.

My face feels like a blown up balloon.
I don't feel good.

I haven't posted for a few days so I thought i should write at leat something.

Chris went on a motorcycle trip to the mountains. I worry when he goes riding on that thing. I was not in favor of him buying it in the first place. But it really does save on gas. He has a 40 minute drive to work every night,which HURTS financially with the gas prices so high. He was driving a company truck for awhile but he was told he would get a significant raise if he didn't drive the truck home everyday. the gas was free with the company truck. And he still uses the truck at work.But when we sat down and looked at the numbers,we realized that it would be worth it to get the raise and have the motorcycle to drive to work,and everywhere else that he goes without me. And we got it for a great price,paid for it upfront and did not have to go into debt to do it. Which is a huge plus!!
So he and his buddy took a trip to the mountains this weekend. Chris's parents have a cabin in Burnsville. So that is where they are until tonight. I have worried nonstop. He likes to drive fast on the winding (NARROW) roads but he promised he would be more careful on the motorcycle. He called last night and he is still alive so hopefully he will come home that way. I'm still worried though. praying every second.

Beverly Hills 90210 is airing old reruns on soapnet so I'm going to plunk my fat butt on the couch and and relive the early 90's and will myself back to health. And watch General Conference. Happy saturday everyone!!!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008


Ok, so I am not big on tagging. but this one looked like fun. This is a tag from Devri. My linkage is having attitude... otherwise I would link. Do the tag if you like, that is up to you. List 7 random or weird facts or secrets about yourself. ok, here are mine.

1. I am scared of the dark. I sleep with the kitchen light on. And the master bath light.
2. When I was little we lived in the getto(for real) and people were always trying to break into our house during the night. One time there was a dead man on our lawn when we woke up in the morning. Another time we found a drunk passed out bum sleeping in our car. It was a clunker so I dont think the locks worked. For these reasons I am still traumatized and sleep with a hammer under the bed in case I need to protect myself and the kids. Chris makes fun of it.
We own guns and I know how to shoot them but I dont know how to load them. And I would be too scared to use one even if I needed to. I would probably miss the target. I'm not the best shooter,I need more practice.
3. In high school I took woodshop,mechanics and drafting instead of home ec. because i hated cooking and I already knew how to sew. I built a wobbly stool and failed woodshop,aced drafting and mechanics.I still hate cooking.
4. In kindergarten I was painfully shy and I was too scared to ask to go to the bathroom. So I peed my pants everyday. Then denied it while standing there wet.
5. In high school on a choir trip I had a boy( Justin Byrne...youth conference boy) in my room. He lived in the city we went to and met us at the hotel. There was a rule of no members of the opposite sex allowed in rooms with the door closed. We closed the door. We didnt do anything except talk. Nikki was in the bathroom the whole time documenting it all in her journal. He was my first boyfriend. It was all really lame now that I think back to it,but whatever.
6. I am petrified of needles. I cry and almost faint whenever me or the kids have to have one.
7. When I was little and we lived in the getto, one night in the niddle of the night, a teenager stole a crane from a near by worksite and drove it down our street and crushed our van right in half. My parents didnt know wether to laugh or cry so we all stood outside laughing.

Ok, so thanks for reading. Time to go to bed. Your all tagged, if you want to be.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008


(The above pic is from 2007...i don't have very many nice recent pics of Nephi because he HATES having his pictures taken. He literally runs from the camera.)

I am sad today.
my baby ...a.k.a....oldest child, Nephi, turned 13 yesterday. I can't believe it. How dare he grow up!!!!..just yesterday he was a teeny tiny baby that was born 4 months premature,fought for his life after heart surgery, and beat the odds when he lived with no preemie side effects.
Here's how it went.
His father was very abusive. And me being pregnant did not make a difference in how violent he was. I will spare you the gruesome details of all that though. Those who were around me at the time know what I am talking about. I, too, am lucky to be alive. I don't think I have to tell you how I went into premature labor. Basically if you are thinking the worst,you are right.

I was very young,just 18 at the time. I had not been to prenatal classes yet,or read any books on pregnancy. I was estranged from my family at the time and had no one to tell me what to expect. No one to tell me what to read or how to prepare. I had no idea there was even such a thing as premature labor.
I went into labor in my 16th week.I was in labor for 3 days. By the 3rd day the pain was so bad that I could not walk and all I could do was lay in bed sceaming from the pain. The reason it went on for 3 days was because Nephi's dad refused to take me to the hospital. ( he was mad at me for missing work).When he finally did, the doctor said we needed to deliver now. Huh? what!!??? I had no idea what he was talking about. I went into it blind in the sense that I had NO idea what was going on. Nephi was out in about 5 minutes. He had been in the birth canal for at least 2 days ,So he was black and blue. His skin was transparent, and he did not even have real fingernails yet. He weighed under 2 pounds. The doctor told me to not get my hopes up because he only had a 5 percent chance of surviving. Despite all the turmoil in my life at the time I was still as active in church as I could be. And at that moment I felt no fear,just comfort and without thinking I told the doctor "NO, he will live". The medical staff was hesitant but went ahead and got to work on him. They put him in a bed of tinfoil and saran simulate the warm womb I guess. They needed to keep him heated. He had tubes coming out of...everywhere!!!His lungs were not fully developed so he could not cry,or breathe on his own but he could move his arms and legs. He was alive and I had no idea yet what a miracle it was that he lived. I am still trying to process all that 13 years later!!! He was given a blessing by my father in law at the time and some other priesthood in the ward. He was then ailrlifted to Foothills hospital in calgary and that was Nephi's home and Mine for the next 4 months. I lived in a hostel,in a little room all by myself and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I did not have very many visitors and I was lonely and depressed. not to mention I was still a teenager so I did not fully understand everything that was going on or the seriousness of it. The medical talk was all foreign to me and nobody tried to help me understand. One Foreign doctor even tried to get me to hand over my baby for experimental blood transfusions!! Thankfully I had at least enough sense to tell him to back off. I really had no support system there with me but we got through it. Heavenly Father carried me through those horrible months and watched over my son, and he lived. He had heart surgery shortly before he was old enough to come home, and other than that has had no health problems at all. Preemies have to go to the doctor for frequent check ups every few months. The doctors were always amazed at how he pulled through with no health problems. They would call in the rest of the staff and say "come look at this baby. Can you believe this!??" I would just smile to myself becausae I knew exactly how it was possible. The Priesthood is real and it is healing,even when it is not humanly or scientifically or medically possible,when it is the Lords will. And Like I said before, i am still processing everything that happened. But I do know that I am so so thankful that I was in tune with the spirit enough to tell the doctors to please not give up. the fact that I was immediately comforted tells me that my son was meant to live. He has a purpose here on this earth today.I believe there were angels in the delivery room that day...
Nephi is very smart. He is a sience guy. Not into sports. he can tell me the inner workings of any comuter,tv,or electronic device and it is completely over my head. He's smart. He reads his scriptures without me reminding him. 2 chapters every night. Thats more than I read, I am ashamed to admit.
I can't believe he is 13. A teenager. I am not ready for the teen angst and rebellion. Hopefully with him there will be none of that. He's too good a kid. He's too special. It makes me sad because I want my kids to stay little. We haven't even been to Disneyworld yet!!!
My kids are growing up. Too fast. Time does not last long enough.
I will add a picture later when I get to the other be sure to check back,Nephi's a handsome one!!!

(oh, and for the record, I did leave the abusive monster,but thats another long story....And i am happily married now as you all know, to a perfect man. For real. He's perfect.)

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Impressed with myself

Yes, I am. So impressed indeed. I finished Megans quilt. She will get it for christmas so it is a secret right now. I am excited that it turned out so well. The back of the quilt is a sheet. Megan does not like the top sheet on her bed. It gets all wrinkled underneath the blanket and it drives her crazy. So rather than leave it sitting in the linen closet I decidede to use it as the back of the quilt. I need to iron out some crinkles,which ,I know, I should have done before I sewed it all together but I am an amateur quilt maker and it just didn't occurr to me to do it. I also have been told that is is a good idea to wash the fabric before sewing. I have never ever washed my fabric before sewing. I have never had a problem from not prewashing so I guess its just a personal decision. I am really enjoying this. I finally have time to do things like this again. I used to make all Megans dresses when she was little and then, well, life happened and sewing and crafting took a back seat to everything else. I am excited to be in a place now where i can have actual hobbies for myself. Very excited.And I have a wonderful hubby to thank for it. He works hard for us to have what we want.Next is Elias's. I got the fabric for his yesterday. I have a sheet to use for the back of his too. I'll show it to you in a few days when it is finished. yay!!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Sunday thought: Tithing

I am sick today and therefore skipping curch.

One thing I struggle with sometimes is paying tithing. I know I need to and I know it is the right thing to do. but sometimes I can't help but feel a tad greedy,especially right now, because I really want to buy some Alexander Henry apples and pears fabric. And I AM going to pay my tithing.I will not let myself be greedy. I just feel like, this fabric was hard to find and I really want it and I can still get some, just not as much as if I kept that tithing money. But honestly, I would feel guilty. And how would I tell Chris that I spend his tithing money on fabric? Yeah, would not be a cool thing to do. So I will get a little bit of fabric, and next week ,hopefully, I will still be able to find somemore. Really, I looked all over for it. Cally told me where she got hers and I got all excited just to find out they don't have anymore. But I did find some. A little more than my price range,but I am willing to pay it because I really love it. I am doing valances for my kitchen with it.Maybe a matching apron so I can look all domestic and cute at the same time like June Cleaver.
Anyways, back to tithing.
Years ago ,when I was a single mom of 3, I was faced with the tough decision of buying groceries,or paying my tithing. I was always able to provide my kids with all their needs, and most of the time even their wants,but I had a tough month work wise and that months pay just wasn't enough. We barely had any food in the house. Normally I had enough food stored for months like this,but we had used it and I hadn't had the chance ,or the money, to replenish it.I had some other money but I could not risk having the lights cut off and as a woman alone with 3 kids I needed a working phone.I gathered the kids together and explained that we wouldn't be able to have our movie night(we always either rented movies,or went to the dollar theatre on friday nights),and we could not go shopping for food because I really had to pay tithing. So I did. nephi,who was 8 at the time, and newly baptized, asked how we were going to get food. I explained that if we pay our tithing that Heavenly Father will not let us go hungry.We need to have Faith and through Faith miracles happen. I promised him we would get a miracle if we did what was right. We would be provided for. (In my mind though I was terrified of my kids going hungry. I was worried deep down that having no food for my family was punishment for other things I had done in my past.)I told him that we just needed to get on our knees and ask Heavenly Father to provide mommy with more work,and hopefully some work where I could be paid right away. So we did. We knelt and said a prayer and I tucked the kids into bed. It was friday,so we were having our weekly friday night campout in the living room. The doorbell rang,I am not even kidding,less than 20 minutes after we ended the prayer. It was sister Pollack. We were serving in primary together at the time.She did not know about my financial situation-nobody did. She explained to me that there was a ton of food left over from the church function that night. ( our ward had over 700 members so it was rare to have anything left over after a function).She said my name came to her mind as she was leaving the church and she decided to bring it right over to me. She said she didn't know why but she was sure I needed it. After we brought the food in, I noticed Nephi standing there with his mouth open,jaw to the floor. And he shouted out "mom, you were right!!!it's a miracle!!!" I could not believe it either. I was simply hoping for some extra work ,which I did get,but we were provided with food immediately too. I told the kids we needed to get on our knees and thank God for this miracle. And we did. And There was so much food that it lasted about 4 weeks. I think about this every week when I am faced with my greedy thoughts(unfortunately there are many). It doesn't take long for me snap into reality and know what I need to do and I do it with a happy heart. I think about that night everyday when I am faced with problems and I remember how God works in ways that we don't even realize and can't fully comprehend in this life. Sister Pollack was in tune with the spirit and through her our prayers were answered.Not to mention all the sisters in the ward who cooked way too much food that day!!! To them I will always be grateful. Because not were we able to eat and not go hungry,but this was the moment when Nephi knew the church is true without a doubt. He told me so.I hope my kids grow up always remembering that night.For me, the best part was watching my children see their prayers anwers right before their eyes!!!

Saturday, September 20, 2008

dear Nikki

please excuse the picture. It is a picture of a picture since i have no scanner, and picnik was freezing up on me so this is what you get to look at.
My dear dear childhood friend is getting married today. We have known each other since we were about 2 years old. We are now 32...long time. I wish I was there to see it, and if we hadn't lost touch for so many years I probably would be. I regret losing touch. I have missed her a lot. After I graduated high school and moved out on my own, I lost touch with just about everyone who ever mattered to me. My fault.A lot of things happened and as a result, I just wanted to be left alone, and just stopped communicating with everyone.. That is my number one regret. If I could turn back time that is the one thing I would change. I would have been so much happier with certain people being a part of my life. but I chose another path and my life was a mess. I do have 3 children who I love more than anything else. I wouldn't want to be without them, but I certainly would have done a lot of things differently along the way. I was out of communication for about 15 years. I finally found a perfect man (for me) 3.5 years ago,and started making amends with friends and putting the pieces of me back together. When I married Chris almost 3 years ago I realized that life really can be all that I have wished it could be. Don't get me wrong, my 3 kids are everything to me...they kept me afloat and I feel like I have always been a good mother. I could have done better at times but paretning is a learning process as most of you know.My kids made me happy. They were all I had,or so I felt for a long time. I wish I could have shared those years with friends.Nikki is the one I have missed the most. Our friendship was the one thing that held me together for so many years growing up. Especially the teen years. While for a lot of reasons those years were the worst for me, they were also the best. I was looking through some old pictures the other day and found a strip from a photo booth of me and Nikki, and a bunch from girls camp,a temple trip back when we were 12,church dances,youth conferences, prom..she was at my prom. She came all the way from saskatchewan to alberta to go to my prom. She was my friend steve's date. I just wish we would have stayed good friends all these years. We only recently reconnected on Facebook,of all places. I am glad we did.In a small way I feel like we picked up where we left off,but at the same time,there is a lot of new things to learn about each other. We have both been through a lot of experiences,trials,and life changing moments without each other and the reconnecting will be a long process. we may never be as close as we once were but I am glad to have her back in my life,even if it is only in cyberspace. She is getting hitched as I write this and I wish so badly that I was there. She is Nicole Bedford now. Nicole, if you read this, I want you to know that I am sorry for losing touch. I miss our friendship. I am so excited for you're a real grown up now!!!!!!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Judge not,ok?

As you can tell by my last post, I have a huge amount of pressure on me right now. I know that is normal for a wife and mother but sometimes it gets to be too much. There are times when I honestly understand why some people just give up. The past couple weeks have been rough on our family in just about everyway. But the thing that is consuming me the most is how people pass judgement when they don't even know the person.

Megan is ADHD. She has actually calmed down alot though so I usually just say ADD now.She was officially diagnosed in kindergarten but we have been working with a therapist since she was 3. Her tantrums were so bad that I literally did not know what to do except give in. The tantrums would last for hours and there was no peace to be found anywhere. And it would be over little things like having to go to bed or the wrong color shirt.

You know when you feel frazzled and agitated and lost and just can't seem to focus or get motivated or concentrate? That is how an ADD/ADHD brain functions all the time. Our therapist explaines it to me this way. Megan is chemically imbalanced.Her brain is constantly short circuiting. Even though she is 11, her brain may only function like she is 5 which is why some situaitons cause more stress than others. Like school, and some social situations. She can't help it. And at the same time, if she does happen to focus on something she needs to be able to finish it or it throws her into a tailspin of confusion, agitation,and frustration.Her brain chemicals are just a bit wonky(got that word from cally).

We worked with the most amazing 2 child therapists I have ever met for about 4 years. I learned how to manage her behavior without medicating her. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I had 2 other kids to look after and at the time I was a working single mother. I had no family living near me to help me with the kids. No child care for when the kids were sick so between Megans weekly appointments and sick kids I missed a lot of work, yet was still able to provide for my kids.I look back and see how the Lord really carried me through those years. I was blessed hugely.My boys are so good. They love their sister and have always been so accepting of her little quirks. They will do things for her to make her life easier which most kids would not willingly do. They don't pick fights with her and help her any way they can.

Megan has come a long way. she used to have these uncontrollable tantrums. it was not due to unfit parenting like some still think. She still has the occasional outburst and most people that are with her regularly know how to handle her. But I seem to be the only one who can really get through. It is extremely hard, but I love her so it is worth it to me.

She struggles in school and was held back in 3rd grade which was embarrassing for her. But she soon realized that another girl from church is also in her grade because of the birthday cutoff. So, it wasn't so bad to be a year behind after that and she managed to pass her grade and even got a math award in 4th grade last year. Huge milestone for her. We were very proud.

she is extremely artistic. She can take playdough and make these teeny tiny animals out if it the size of my fninger tip. They are so cute and very detailed. She can draw things from memory that look what they are meant to look like. She can knit and sew and she can cook. She loves to clean toilets. She loves cats and is kind to all animals and very nurturing towards them. She has trouble with social skills but has some close friends who love her no matter what. Her teachers at school tell me she is the sweetest girl they have ever met. This is huge because school used to be where most of the trouble was.

She is chemically imbalanced and I know everyone has different views on medication kids with ADD and ADHD. I have tried all sorts of meds and diets and therapy. I don't like meds. For Megan the side effects were not worth it.Therapy works best for us. During our time in therapy I was given several tools to dealing with Megan that I put to use on a daily basis. I don't get to socialize like I used to and I only occasionally leave her with a babysitter. But it works for us and she makes more progress each year.

I have seen kids who are bad because it really is the parents who spoil and give in and act like their kids are angels when everyone else around them can see they are not. These are the parents who judge me and my parenting and my child. I get so tired of it. i used to expain to everyone I met about Megan and her special needs. But after so many years I realized that people are going to gossip and judge and be rude anyways so I stopped explaining myself to people. Because it really doesn't matter. I do my best, megan is progressing and can almost get through most days without incident. I follow through with consequences each and every time which is hard work but necessary for these types of kids so they can learn limits and boundaries. I give her step by step guidance. For instance I can't just say to her "go get ready for school" like I can the boys. I have to give her step by step instructions. It takes more time but it helps her focus and not get frustrated. Her teachers have learned to do the same. She gets special help each day at school for an hour, where she works on her reading and work she is having trouble with that day. her school has been wonderful working with her so far.I used to have to tell her ahead of time other things like what the schedule was for the day if there was no school, who was coming over,what was going to be for dinner, when tv time was over etc. These kinds of kids can't handle being caught off guard so the more warnings for transitions the better.I don't have to do that anymore which is another huge milestone for us. She now knows that transitions are necessary and are going to happen and that she will be able to go back to her previous activity later. She accepts rules even though she may gripe about them, but seriously,what kid doesn't.

When she is older I will let her decide if she wants to try meds. Who knows, she may decide to when she becomes an adult and that is fine because she has also come to know the best tools to help herself as well. She knows what ADHD/ADD is and she knows when she needs a breather to just chill and regain some focus. It is important to not keep these kids in the dark about their "condition". It shouldn't be an embarrassement or anything to be ashamed of.It's just one of those things we need to overcome in life.These kids need to know that it doesn't mean they are bad. They will be so much more confident with themselves if parents are upfront with them and teach them the tools they need to deal with life and people.

Megan is an amazing child and anyone who does not take the time to know her is missing out. She is a handful but she really does not have bad inentions.

My purpose of this post is for people who know me to gain some insight into why Megan is the way she is. And I have reached my tolerance limit as far as the gossip is concerned. So there you have it. That's Megan. We love her.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Blah Blah Blah

Thats how I feel.

I have had so many things running through my mind at a million miles an hour. I don't know where to start.
There is going to be a lot of random babble in this post. Just letting you know. ok, here goes.

how does one think it is ok to tell my daughters best friend not to hang out with her anymore. I'm not talking kids here. This was an adult. And she said it in front of my daughter. I wish I was there when it happened. I really don't like confrontation. However, when it comes to my kids, and things are said that shouldn't, the claws come out. They were playing. You know, like kids do? And the person who shall remain nameless so as to not make me a gossipper needs to mind her own beeswax. My daughters friend is much more rowdy and loud than Megan is. her mom will even say so. Yet this person has the nerve to tell her that she should stay away from that bad girl Megan . WHAT???!!!! Her kids weren't even involved so what in the world was she doing poking her nose in where it clearly did not belong.And Megan and her friend were having fun and actually not being loud at all. Then she sent her 5 year old daughter to stand and watch them.(they said the staring creeped them out). I mean, really, what the heck did I ever do to her!!? I have seen her talk about me before. I can shake that off. But talking about my kid?? Not cool.

A friend of mine had something awful happen to her years ago and just recently an obnoxious boy person who we have grown up with since we were zero years old,and who is by the way 1 year younger than us, had the nerve to tell her in so many words that it was her fault. I won't go into details because she is someone who I will always love and always defend even though we are not as close as we used to be, and I want to protect her privacy. But I am mad. He had no right to say what he did. No always means NO. I hope he reads this and feels foolish for what he said.He'll know who he is and I secretly hope that what he said to her comes back to bite him one day. Sorry, I know that was ugly of me to say.

Men who date other women while still married and living as a married couple with their wife are pigs. Not cool,ok? It was NOT my husband who did this. just thought I would say that to curb the rumors that may fly. My husband is so by far NOT a pig.He's great.


do adults have the right to discipline other peoples kids? I'm talking about when I am RIGHT there. Is it cool? No, not to me. This happened and I am still unsure of how to handle the situation. cause you know, I know my kids better than anyone and maybe I know what discipline tactics are the best to use. And are acceptable to me. Thats important. Hmm.

If I sound bitter and in a bad mood its because i am. Sometimes I just wonder what people are thinking. Seriously. And that is basically what has been going on with me other than being sick with the aky shaky flu,kids,housework, etc etc.

On a happier note, I feel a bit better now. Thanks for listening. Advice is appreciated.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Keeping it Sunday

So I was sitting in sacrament meeting today and kept thinking about blogging. Don't get me wrong. The meeting was excellent. Great speakers,great music, I learned a lot, I was inspired, I was touched, I was reminded of a lot of things that of course I know but seem to forget sometimes even though I know better. I couldn't help it though. My mind kept wandering over to the blogsphere.(Sheesh,Do you think I am addicted??) So I decided that if I absolutely needed to blog today that it would be spiritually oriented.

One thing that has struck me like a bolt of lightning lately is food storage. For the last few months or so it seems to be mentioned in every meeting. And last week, stake conference seemed to somehow revolve around food storage and family preparedness. My husband and I have been talking alot about it lately too. We both feel a sense of urgency to get in the game and be more prepared. We have seriously slacked in the food storage area. So we have been making some changes around here. Some of which were not voluntary but seem to have happened for a reason. This reason. Getting prepared.

We got rid of our nice expensive wonderful to ride in the heated seats in the "winter"(because north carolina doesnt have real winter,it just gets a bit nippy. No snow where we are,just a little nip in the air. But to everyone here it is winter) truck and got a less expensive vehicle which is just as reliable but not as fancy. And its better on gas. And we are grateful that it has allowed us the extra money to get prepared.

At the time we thought it was going to be the end of the world without our beautiful truck (we really loved that truck) but have since realized that there are way more important things. We prayed alot about the truck and it took us awhile to accept what we had to do. We knew what we had to do from the beginning,but at the time we didn't know what we would do for transportation. We live out in the boonies so transportation is a must. So we were confused,scared,and I am ashamed to say even unwilling to give up the truck. But once we did, we felt the most relief we had ever felt, and right away we were presented with an opportunity at purchasing a less expensive car.

Divine inspiration,people.

So here we are with our less expensive car ,and Uncle Mark comes to Chris one day with an opportunity to make more money. We prayed about it and decided it would be a good idea even though we could get by on what chris was already making. We would at least try it.

I see him less, because of his work hours, but our time together is all the more better because we appreciate it more. We don't bicker as much about stupid things.

Yesterday Chris was told that he needed to go in to work first thing sunday morning. Right away chris said no, he needed to keep his sunday work as close to none as possible. At first he was told that wasn't possible and Chris just said,well, too bad then. Now this could have been the end of his job. But instead, he was then told,ok. And he didn't have to work today. It would have been more money, and a few months ago he probably would have gone into work even though he knows better. I am proud of him for taking that stand even though it could have left him jobless. Our faith seems to be growing more by the day...thats what happens when you have your priorities straight!!

I won't bore you with the other small changes we have made. I just wanted to mention the most significant ones to get my point accross. My point being, now we can afford food storage. And looking back, having that truck was silly. I can't believe that for awhile there that truck was on our top priority list. I know, selfish and foolish. We lost sight of the eternal perspective. Its easy to sometimes when you want something (like a pretty truck) so bad.But we have learned. We are grateful to be so blessed and we have grown as a couple because of it. Life really does go a lot smoother when you put the Lord,his teachings, and family first.

Now, I need to know a few things. I seem like a fool here, but I don't have a clue about food storage. A friend of mine said get stuff we actually eat, and slowly build it up.
ok, so we now have enough soup and string beans to feed the ward, now what? Where do I get wheat? How do I use it? How do I store water,rice,flour and all that stuff so that it doesn't go stale? DOES it go stale? How much of everything do I need?What about meat?...... The freezer? I don't have a big freezer. And I don't want to fill a freezer in the first place. How would I transport a freezer full of meat to the mountains for the great gathering without it thawing and rotting and being wasted??

Have you read The Great Gathering? Great book by Chad Daybell. Available at all LDS bookstores and online. I posted about it awhile back.

Now back to food storage. I should have been paying more attention on the matter. I need help. Advice. Suggestions. ...

...I'm waiting.

Monday, August 25, 2008

school bus fiasco-on the first day!!

Ok, so I am a very panicky mother. The panickiest. School gets out at 2:45. The drop off time for my kids is about 3:15-3:25. Today they got home after 5:00.

Oh, why???

Because the bus driver broke her leg. Therefore the kids were stranded on the bus for over an hour waiting. Its hot outside. and inside the bus where there is no air conditioning. Then the sub was lost and kept going around in circles. The sub told the kids to tell me she was sorry.

I went into panic mode at about 4:00. I do know that sometimes they are late leaving the school for whatever reason so I waited to panic. I was shaking,breathing heavy,stressed out.
The principle kept saying"call back if they are not home in 10 minutes". Finally, the last time I called the first thing he said was "mam,the kids are ok". I thought, OH NO. Then he told me the situation.

The kids are fine. In fact they were excited to have something "cool" happen on the first day of school.

First day of school.

First day of school today. The house is quiet. I'm not hearing "mommy" every 5 seconds. I can sit at my computer without interruption. I may take a nap later. Maybe watch a show the whole way through. Clean the bathroom. take a walk. Do some assignments and catch up on the school I was supposed to have done over the summer but didn't because i was too busy answering questions,taking kids swimming,mediating arguments, making cheese fries,looking for teeny tiny barbie shoes that probably fell down the vent,dishing out childrens tylenol and bug bite cream,going to Mcdonalds,listening to elias recite his favorite movies word for word,doing endless laundry because they dont hang up their swimming towels and the cat therefore pees on them, doing endless dishes because the words "use ONE cup and set it by the sink so you can use it again" means nothing to them and by the end of the day there are 50 cups waiting to be washed so we can do it all again the next day.

On the other hand, I am one of THOSE parents who calls the school at random times to check on the kids. I feel sad everyday when they leave me to go to school.I stand on the front porch and wave and blow kisses when the kids get on the school bus, calling out to them their "be safe " intructions. I'm there in the same spot on the porch when they get off the bus at 3:30. I worry all day about wether or not they are having a good day. I worry about all the "what-ifs". Like, what if their feelings get hurt. What if they bang their head too hard on the playground and go into a coma and the school doesn't call me. What if the school bus gets hijacked. What if the school bus gets into an accident. What if an older kid does something inappropriate to my kids. What if there is a fire and my kids are in the bathroom and no one waits for them or looks for them. What if one of the kids gets lost on the field trip. What if what if what if.

So, as great as it is for the kids to be out of my hair,I wish they were in my hair so I can keep them safe.

The batteries in my camera died and chris used my "Im saving these for the first day of school in case the batteries in my camera go dead" batteries for the new plug in paintball video game controller that requires a screwdriver and chisel to pry open the battery compartment. I did not have time for this five minutes before school bus time.

So I have no pics from this morning.

Friday, August 22, 2008

ok, here it is

Ok, so I know I was very hiped about this. Because I was totally freaked out and excited at the same time. But really. how many people can say they have a freaky picture of a war skeleton.

Chris has been to this place many times and knows it well. He has been on this river in this same spot many times and has never seen any skeletons.This is the only picture from the trip that the image is in. the pic was taken at the neuse river,about 10 minutes from our house. The woods you see was the site of one of the bloodiest battles of the civil war.

ok, now look at the first pic. You can see a shadow that looks like a rifle in the woods. See it??

now look at the zoom in I did.
Is your hair standing on end?? Mine did, Chris saw it. And I have very long hair.

And Like I said, all the other pics from the trip are only woods,no sleletons.

And I promise the picture has not been doctored.
And I own copyright.

Thursday, August 21, 2008


Read this and think about it for awhile.

I have always relied very heavily on prayer. It has been a constant in my life since I was very young. It was how I survived.

But today after reading aprils post I really thought hard about how important prayer really is.

When we pray we don't only pray for ourselves but for others. We know that and have been taught it since sunbeams. But there are times when other people need our prayers more than we need them for ourselves.

I am guilty of being selfish in my praying.

I guess its a habit. Its hard sometimes to pray for others when we are hurting too. but just think, all those other people are in need of blessings too, sometimes even more.

I am not a great writer so I hope I at least got the message accross.

Pray for others even if you dont know who you are praying for. Even if it is for no one in particular.

Even if you are hurting, there is probably someone out there hurting just as much if not more.

Today I am going to make a point to be unselfish in my prayers from now on.

How bout you?

And thanks April for this post.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

My Baby

My baby boy turned 8 on monday. yep, he's 8. ( His actual birthday post will come later...too lazy to upload pics right now). He went to cubscouts for the first time at church tonight... I felt a twinge of sadness when i left him with his group. Ya, I had choir practice to go to, but still, I was kind of sad because the baby in him was officially being left behind. He's hangin' with the big boys now. He has waited for this day all year. Ever since we had our "great to be eight" night in January for all the primary kids turning 8 this year. It's all he has talked about for 8 months. He was so proud of himself. When I met him in the hall afterwards his shirt was wet ( they had been playing a game with sponges or something). I asled him why he was wet. He said "this is what we do in cubscouts, MOM!" ok, then...

Its happening. My kids are practically grown. I have a teenager,a preteen and a cubscout. It goes by too too fast.....

Elias and one of his best friends,Cody, at church.
Hula hooping at a church activity.

At the beach.

He loves to cuddle. Even with me. but I know that won't last much longer...

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

weekend at the cabin-last day before going home

So we got up super early sunday morning so we could stop at Mount Mitchell on the way home. Not a big thrill for me but Megan loves it and so does chris. We were in our pj's (except for chris).I was sooo tired on the way home. I tried to stay awake but i kept falling asleep. We had fun. We love going to the cabin and will probably be back there in the fall.

weekend at the cabin -part 4

Chris getting the fire ready to cook hotdogs.

Kids piling up on Grandaddy in the hammok.

The cabin.

The treehouse. Chris and I and the kids slept in the treehouse.I should have taken pics of the inside but I forgot. Its cute and cozy and I wish we could live in it.

weekend at the cabin -part 3

Me and chris on the swinging bridge.

Chris and the kids on the swinging bridge.

Chris and the kids ( megan ,cousin calin and elias) on the swinging bridge.

Elias and calin at the Rock museum.

Music museum. Just one room but pretty cool very old pianos and organs and stuff.

Friday, August 15, 2008

weekend at the cabin-part two

The kids love to go gem mining whenever we go to the we all went to Emerald Village and got some pretty cool rocks and gems. There is also a music museum there and it was pretty neat. I am not a fan of museums but it was cool to see all the old pianos and organs.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Weekend at the cabin -part one

The kids' favorite thing to do in the mountains is swimming in the water hole. Chris and his dad took the kids to the water hole and even let Megan swim the deep hole. Here are a few pics.

Megan and Chris looking for water creatures.

Elias standing on a rock.

Elias sitting on a rock.

Megan swimming the deep hole.

Megan after swimming accross the deep hole.