Saturday, September 20, 2008

dear Nikki

please excuse the picture. It is a picture of a picture since i have no scanner, and picnik was freezing up on me so this is what you get to look at.
My dear dear childhood friend is getting married today. We have known each other since we were about 2 years old. We are now 32...long time. I wish I was there to see it, and if we hadn't lost touch for so many years I probably would be. I regret losing touch. I have missed her a lot. After I graduated high school and moved out on my own, I lost touch with just about everyone who ever mattered to me. My fault.A lot of things happened and as a result, I just wanted to be left alone, and just stopped communicating with everyone.. That is my number one regret. If I could turn back time that is the one thing I would change. I would have been so much happier with certain people being a part of my life. but I chose another path and my life was a mess. I do have 3 children who I love more than anything else. I wouldn't want to be without them, but I certainly would have done a lot of things differently along the way. I was out of communication for about 15 years. I finally found a perfect man (for me) 3.5 years ago,and started making amends with friends and putting the pieces of me back together. When I married Chris almost 3 years ago I realized that life really can be all that I have wished it could be. Don't get me wrong, my 3 kids are everything to me...they kept me afloat and I feel like I have always been a good mother. I could have done better at times but paretning is a learning process as most of you know.My kids made me happy. They were all I had,or so I felt for a long time. I wish I could have shared those years with friends.Nikki is the one I have missed the most. Our friendship was the one thing that held me together for so many years growing up. Especially the teen years. While for a lot of reasons those years were the worst for me, they were also the best. I was looking through some old pictures the other day and found a strip from a photo booth of me and Nikki, and a bunch from girls camp,a temple trip back when we were 12,church dances,youth conferences, prom..she was at my prom. She came all the way from saskatchewan to alberta to go to my prom. She was my friend steve's date. I just wish we would have stayed good friends all these years. We only recently reconnected on Facebook,of all places. I am glad we did.In a small way I feel like we picked up where we left off,but at the same time,there is a lot of new things to learn about each other. We have both been through a lot of experiences,trials,and life changing moments without each other and the reconnecting will be a long process. we may never be as close as we once were but I am glad to have her back in my life,even if it is only in cyberspace. She is getting hitched as I write this and I wish so badly that I was there. She is Nicole Bedford now. Nicole, if you read this, I want you to know that I am sorry for losing touch. I miss our friendship. I am so excited for you're a real grown up now!!!!!!


Karen said...

Ahhh girl, I have lost friends too for the same reason. Wanting to be left alone as a result of bad choices made...I know that road. I am so happy for you, that you reconnected with the one that mattered most!!!!!

Cookie said...

Congrats to Nicole!

It's funny how you can lose touch with some old friends, but yet they still remain friends nonetheless.

April said...

You are so good at being honest with yourself and then opening up to everyone in the blogging world.
Congratulations to Nicole. You can see pictures of her on facebook. She was a beautiful bride.