Sunday, December 26, 2010

Let it be Christmas...

Christmas has once again come and gone. I always feel a little bit sad the day after Christmas because I always feel like it goes by way too fast and I wish it could last just a little bit longer.
It was a tough one this year. hubby is 3000 miles away, and here are me and the kids in this little apartment. For most of December I just wanted Christmas to go away. I was not looking forward to it, and I did not want to even celebrate it. Finances are tight right now, family is far away and the ones that are near did not even call or reach out. I have cousins here in town and an uncle 20 minutes away. It is sad when your own family does not consider you family enough to see you on Christmas. I never understood it, and I guess it would be just as well to simply let it go.
However, Christmas has always been my most favorite time of year, and I know I would regret just letting it slip past me. Plus, I knew I had to pull myself together so the kids could enjoy the Holiday. I prayed constantly, but felt unheard. I felt unloved and abandoned, alone and very sad.
As I mentioned briefly in my last post, we have had many trials set in our way the past few months. I have been running on empty.
The Lord works in mysterious ways. Through friends and even strangers,  in my darkest hour yet, I was drawn to my knees in gratitude.
I knew the gifts were not important. In fact, every year people ask me what I want and I say nothing. There may be things I want but I despise greed and feel greedy when I ask for things. And if i want something enough I can go get it myself. I always tell the kids " don't be greedy"...."you will get what is affordable"..."Christmas is not about presents"... etc I was not worried about presents. I decided that the dollar store and Walmart clearances would be my only stops this year and I was fine with it and the kids were too. We had found a cute little bunny online for next to nothing so we already had what was going to be our main gift this year.
The Lord blesses us according to our needs. And we needed Christmas, and it came. Some certain someones who are very special to me made it possible for us to have that. We were also "secret santa'd" by some very unselfish ward members.  Both in the same day within hours of each other. I can't begin to explain how much our family needed that at that specific time.
This Christmas ended up being one of the best. I spent time with people that I have not seen in a very long time, and needed to see. I did see them at Thanksgiving, but seeing them at Christmas was really what I needed.  I am not going to name names which is hard because I really want to...but this family, many years ago, unselfishly welcomed me into their home, loved me, and  gave me the opportunity to see and be a part of a real family. We lost contact for many years, and I have no real excuse or explanation for it, except that I regret so much that lost time. I really am forever thankful for them and everything they have ever done for me. I have always had them in my thoughts and have thanked God for them countless times.
I do miss my hubby so so much and I wish he could have been here for Christmas. Phone calls just have to be enough for now. I have faith that we will see each other soon, we just have to be patient, do all we can and trust in God.
I love Christmas so much and am so sad that is it over so quickly. But so thankful for the peace it has brought this year to our family. We may be a Country apart, but we are so richly blessed, spiritually. We are still poor for now, but I am fine with that. It could always be so much worse. I prayed for the Christmas spirit and got so much more. I am  already planning for next year.... Let it be Christmas!!!