Monday, March 12, 2012

Le Divorce

There is never an easy way to write about the breakdown of a marriage, especially your own.
I was dumped. While the kids and I were homeless, he was vacationing in Mexico. He decided that he didn't think he should have a family.
Ya, that's what I said.
Here is how it all went down.....
We decided to make the move to Canada because my oldest son was living here with his dad and I could not tolerate one more second away from him. As a mother, you know when your children need you and you know what they need when they need it. As my childrens mother I knew this is what they needed. Some will argue that I put my kids first over my husband but no, I was putting my family as a whole, first. I was in agaony over things that were going on that I had no control over because was in the States and he was here in Canada. Long story short, my sons father refused to return him after a summer visit and because of the wording in the divorce papers, even though I had sole custody it was impossible to retain any help from a lawyer or police without a large sum of cash being involved. Nothing could be enforced. And we were not that wealthy. So ensued the battle and towards the end of our time in the states I was in such agony that I could not take it anymore.
Decision made, move family to Canada.
Plan? The kids and I would go and one of 2 things would happen...either i would get us settled and Chris would follow, or I would get my son and we would all go back to the States.
Custody battles started and I could not leave Canada any time soon.
My Husband refused to some visit, even when I had friends offer to help pay for airfare. He would complain if I needed money, he would ignore my calls, emails and facebooking for weeks on end. At first he blamed it on his phone, then on work, then one thing then another. He eventually admitted he had no intention of coming here, ever. so the kids and I were stuck, with only our clothes, and all our belongings accumulated over years and lifetimes were in the States. Nice. He went back and forth between saying he wanted this to work, then he didn't want to be married. Then he needed to think about it. Well, he "thought" about it from February until August. During that time, he ignored me as per usual. I couldn't make ends meet so the kids went to my parents for the summer, I put our stuff in storage and slept in a friends basement for the summer. We had no home. No Husband either because he was in Mexico!! He didn't even know we "moved" at first or even much less cared because he wouldn't reply to my many messages explaining the situation. I would even see him comment to other people on Facebook while ignoring my messages begging him to call me. When he finally answered he claimed that he forgot to tell me he was going to Mexico and that it was a last minute trip. Pardon my french, but BULLSHIT. Lie. I happen to have it on good source that the trip was being planned in April!!! I was needless to say, furious and he had the audacity to be mad at me for being mad!!!! That was it.
I filed for divorce, my good friend went and moved my stuff out and that's that.
Of course he has everyone hating me and being all sympathetic towards him. How lovely. Whatever, he choose to walk away but it is for the best. He was never all that nice to me to begin with. I was always "bothering" him while he was trying to watch tv or play on the computer, he complained about how much the kids and I costed to feed, he put his other family first and me last, he yelled at my kids  to the point where they did not like him anymore, and God forbid I cry, because that was just "begging for attention" and I didn't deserve  attention because I couldn't keep the house clean the way he wanted. He would never hug me or comfort me when I was sad because if he did it once I would expect him to do it again, and he was not going to be "played" like that. My doctor urged and referred me to a rhuematologist and other doctors, but it was "too expensive" so my health suffered. Oh, and the gooder:.......he knew before we were married that I wanted 2 more kids but kept  making excuses and outright refused and insisted on waiting "another year", etc health issues went untreated and brushed off thanks to him, for too long and now I have no possibility of having any more babies. My issues are not life threatening, but still important and he would never open his eyes to see that. And he has never been remorseful or even a bit sorry about it.
Looking back I see that he was not good to me or for me. in fact, I wish I could turn back time and never meet him. Alot of pain would have been spared.

I had to write about this because it's just how I deal with things, and honestly, I want certain people to know the story and this saves me the time of sending out emails and responding to several "comments" etc. Now it's out there.

You live, you learn. So it's over and I'm in a very happy place. I am happier than I have ever been in my life and looking forward to the future.

And when it comes to men?? I want to say I will from now on proceed with caution, but if the right one comes along then I will be ready.

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