It is only 7:03 am and I already wish the day was done.
I just put my kids on the school bus and I think I will go cry after I write this.
Yesterday was a teacher work day.
Megan had homework on friday. They NEVER have homework on friday.
She did not tell me she had homework, and therefore I could not remind her to do it. You see where this is going.....
So this morning she has an all out FIT because I did not remind her to do her homework. 5 minutes before the bus comes she decides to cry over this. She WAILED about how she needs to stay home now,her life os over,she doesn't want her teacher to me mad......
"FORGET IT " I yelled. Yes I yelled. I yelled About how she better lose the attitude,go to school and face her consequences ( silent lunch-sitting at a table by herself in the lunch room doing homework) or Halloween is cancelled.AT 6:55 am. And I am sure the neighbors heard me.
Then Elias starts crying because my yelling scared him. And he does not want me to cancel Halloween.
I stood my ground. I once again yelled that if there are any attitudes when the bus comes,NO HALLOWEEN.
Trunk or treat is friday and in our ward its one of those ---you can't miss it--- parties. Contests,treats,games,the whole shebang.So of course the sobbing and the wailing continues because I am threatening to cancel Halloween. I didnt know what else to do. It is my only amunition at this point. Their beloved Halloween.
So then I beg them to stop crying by saying I will make Halloween cupcakes today so they can have a nice tasty snack after school.
Silence. Sheesh, if only I had thought of bribing them from the start.
Silly mom.
And maybe she really did forget. But still. She needs to be responsible. She is,after all, 11 years old.
So I hope and pray they have a good day.
I hate sending kids to school after yelling at them. I feel like they are going to be sad all day now. I don't normally yell at them. I only pull that one out when I need it to stop NOW, which in the last few months is rare. Because they have been really good.Which makes it worse. Because now they probably went to school feeling like mama doesn't love them. Which is heart breaking. It has been forever since the last time I had to yell at them before going to school. And the last time I did I ended up calling the school and asking how they were. And telling the secretary how we had a rough morning and I yelled and they cried.And telling her how if Megan says anything to anyone that the reason is because I yelled. And I could feel her thoughts through the phone. She probably thought I had beat her. Which only made it worse. Because I do not spank let alone beat.
So I won't call the school this time.
I feel like a terrible mother. I wish it was tomorrow.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Tagged by Laura
5 years ago...
1. Running a Daycare out of my house by day and working at Western Wats by evening.
2. Preparing for Nephi's Baptism
3. My sister was living with me in Lethbridge Alberta
4. Elias was 3.
5. Megan called me at work sobbing because she and my sister found our guinea pig Bernard dead in its cage.
Things on my list for today
1. Get appointment with Dermatologist
2. call/email everyone and cancel choir practice
3. get recipe for homemade laundry soap
4. laundry
5. clean the litter box
6. hopefully go to Elias's cubscout meeting
7. clean bathrooms
5 snacks I enjoy
1. salt and vinegar chips
2. chocolate ( but not dark)
3. pickles
4. cheese
5. apples
5 things I would do if I was a millionaire
1. Pay off all debt
2. Buy a new house
3. Buy a new car
4. put aside money for kids college and missions
5. Buy a really nice ring and a bunch of new clothes
oh....and let Chris open a R/C hobby shop
5 places I have lived
1. Regina, Saskatchewan
2. Raymond, Alberta
3. Lethbridge,Alberta
4. Brooks,Alberta
5. Mount olive,North Carolina
5 jobs I have had
1. A&W ( I was the early morning weekend onion ring maker)
2. Wendy's (on and off for 10 years)
3. Western Wats ( market research)
4. Daycare (on and off for 10 years)
5. Office manager
Tag 5 people......
1. April
2. Holly J.
3. Ailyn
4. Karen S.
5. Devri
5 years ago...
1. Running a Daycare out of my house by day and working at Western Wats by evening.
2. Preparing for Nephi's Baptism
3. My sister was living with me in Lethbridge Alberta
4. Elias was 3.
5. Megan called me at work sobbing because she and my sister found our guinea pig Bernard dead in its cage.
Things on my list for today
1. Get appointment with Dermatologist
2. call/email everyone and cancel choir practice
3. get recipe for homemade laundry soap
4. laundry
5. clean the litter box
6. hopefully go to Elias's cubscout meeting
7. clean bathrooms
5 snacks I enjoy
1. salt and vinegar chips
2. chocolate ( but not dark)
3. pickles
4. cheese
5. apples
5 things I would do if I was a millionaire
1. Pay off all debt
2. Buy a new house
3. Buy a new car
4. put aside money for kids college and missions
5. Buy a really nice ring and a bunch of new clothes
oh....and let Chris open a R/C hobby shop
5 places I have lived
1. Regina, Saskatchewan
2. Raymond, Alberta
3. Lethbridge,Alberta
4. Brooks,Alberta
5. Mount olive,North Carolina
5 jobs I have had
1. A&W ( I was the early morning weekend onion ring maker)
2. Wendy's (on and off for 10 years)
3. Western Wats ( market research)
4. Daycare (on and off for 10 years)
5. Office manager
Tag 5 people......
1. April
2. Holly J.
3. Ailyn
4. Karen S.
5. Devri
Saturday, October 4, 2008
sicky cold and motorcycles
I feel like Poo today.
I can't breathe out of my nose,and therefore cannot sleep well. I woke up during the night with snot running down my face.
Sorry about the grossness.
My face feels like a blown up balloon.
I don't feel good.
I haven't posted for a few days so I thought i should write at leat something.
Chris went on a motorcycle trip to the mountains. I worry when he goes riding on that thing. I was not in favor of him buying it in the first place. But it really does save on gas. He has a 40 minute drive to work every night,which HURTS financially with the gas prices so high. He was driving a company truck for awhile but he was told he would get a significant raise if he didn't drive the truck home everyday. the gas was free with the company truck. And he still uses the truck at work.But when we sat down and looked at the numbers,we realized that it would be worth it to get the raise and have the motorcycle to drive to work,and everywhere else that he goes without me. And we got it for a great price,paid for it upfront and did not have to go into debt to do it. Which is a huge plus!!
So he and his buddy took a trip to the mountains this weekend. Chris's parents have a cabin in Burnsville. So that is where they are until tonight. I have worried nonstop. He likes to drive fast on the winding (NARROW) roads but he promised he would be more careful on the motorcycle. He called last night and he is still alive so hopefully he will come home that way. I'm still worried though. praying every second.
Beverly Hills 90210 is airing old reruns on soapnet so I'm going to plunk my fat butt on the couch and and relive the early 90's and will myself back to health. And watch General Conference. Happy saturday everyone!!!
I can't breathe out of my nose,and therefore cannot sleep well. I woke up during the night with snot running down my face.
Sorry about the grossness.
My face feels like a blown up balloon.
I don't feel good.
I haven't posted for a few days so I thought i should write at leat something.
Chris went on a motorcycle trip to the mountains. I worry when he goes riding on that thing. I was not in favor of him buying it in the first place. But it really does save on gas. He has a 40 minute drive to work every night,which HURTS financially with the gas prices so high. He was driving a company truck for awhile but he was told he would get a significant raise if he didn't drive the truck home everyday. the gas was free with the company truck. And he still uses the truck at work.But when we sat down and looked at the numbers,we realized that it would be worth it to get the raise and have the motorcycle to drive to work,and everywhere else that he goes without me. And we got it for a great price,paid for it upfront and did not have to go into debt to do it. Which is a huge plus!!
So he and his buddy took a trip to the mountains this weekend. Chris's parents have a cabin in Burnsville. So that is where they are until tonight. I have worried nonstop. He likes to drive fast on the winding (NARROW) roads but he promised he would be more careful on the motorcycle. He called last night and he is still alive so hopefully he will come home that way. I'm still worried though. praying every second.
Beverly Hills 90210 is airing old reruns on soapnet so I'm going to plunk my fat butt on the couch and and relive the early 90's and will myself back to health. And watch General Conference. Happy saturday everyone!!!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Tagged
Ok, so I am not big on tagging. but this one looked like fun. This is a tag from Devri. My linkage is having attitude... otherwise I would link. Do the tag if you like, that is up to you. List 7 random or weird facts or secrets about yourself. ok, here are mine.
1. I am scared of the dark. I sleep with the kitchen light on. And the master bath light.
2. When I was little we lived in the getto(for real) and people were always trying to break into our house during the night. One time there was a dead man on our lawn when we woke up in the morning. Another time we found a drunk passed out bum sleeping in our car. It was a clunker so I dont think the locks worked. For these reasons I am still traumatized and sleep with a hammer under the bed in case I need to protect myself and the kids. Chris makes fun of it.
We own guns and I know how to shoot them but I dont know how to load them. And I would be too scared to use one even if I needed to. I would probably miss the target. I'm not the best shooter,I need more practice.
3. In high school I took woodshop,mechanics and drafting instead of home ec. because i hated cooking and I already knew how to sew. I built a wobbly stool and failed woodshop,aced drafting and mechanics.I still hate cooking.
4. In kindergarten I was painfully shy and I was too scared to ask to go to the bathroom. So I peed my pants everyday. Then denied it while standing there wet.
5. In high school on a choir trip I had a boy( Justin Byrne...youth conference boy) in my room. He lived in the city we went to and met us at the hotel. There was a rule of no members of the opposite sex allowed in rooms with the door closed. We closed the door. We didnt do anything except talk. Nikki was in the bathroom the whole time documenting it all in her journal. He was my first boyfriend. It was all really lame now that I think back to it,but whatever.
6. I am petrified of needles. I cry and almost faint whenever me or the kids have to have one.
7. When I was little and we lived in the getto, one night in the niddle of the night, a teenager stole a crane from a near by worksite and drove it down our street and crushed our van right in half. My parents didnt know wether to laugh or cry so we all stood outside laughing.
Ok, so thanks for reading. Time to go to bed. Your all tagged, if you want to be.
1. I am scared of the dark. I sleep with the kitchen light on. And the master bath light.
2. When I was little we lived in the getto(for real) and people were always trying to break into our house during the night. One time there was a dead man on our lawn when we woke up in the morning. Another time we found a drunk passed out bum sleeping in our car. It was a clunker so I dont think the locks worked. For these reasons I am still traumatized and sleep with a hammer under the bed in case I need to protect myself and the kids. Chris makes fun of it.
We own guns and I know how to shoot them but I dont know how to load them. And I would be too scared to use one even if I needed to. I would probably miss the target. I'm not the best shooter,I need more practice.
3. In high school I took woodshop,mechanics and drafting instead of home ec. because i hated cooking and I already knew how to sew. I built a wobbly stool and failed woodshop,aced drafting and mechanics.I still hate cooking.
4. In kindergarten I was painfully shy and I was too scared to ask to go to the bathroom. So I peed my pants everyday. Then denied it while standing there wet.
5. In high school on a choir trip I had a boy( Justin Byrne...youth conference boy) in my room. He lived in the city we went to and met us at the hotel. There was a rule of no members of the opposite sex allowed in rooms with the door closed. We closed the door. We didnt do anything except talk. Nikki was in the bathroom the whole time documenting it all in her journal. He was my first boyfriend. It was all really lame now that I think back to it,but whatever.
6. I am petrified of needles. I cry and almost faint whenever me or the kids have to have one.
7. When I was little and we lived in the getto, one night in the niddle of the night, a teenager stole a crane from a near by worksite and drove it down our street and crushed our van right in half. My parents didnt know wether to laugh or cry so we all stood outside laughing.
Ok, so thanks for reading. Time to go to bed. Your all tagged, if you want to be.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Tears
(The above pic is from 2007...i don't have very many nice recent pics of Nephi because he HATES having his pictures taken. He literally runs from the camera.)
I am sad today.
my baby ...a.k.a....oldest child, Nephi, turned 13 yesterday. I can't believe it. How dare he grow up!!!!..just yesterday he was a teeny tiny baby that was born 4 months premature,fought for his life after heart surgery, and beat the odds when he lived with no preemie side effects.
Here's how it went.
His father was very abusive. And me being pregnant did not make a difference in how violent he was. I will spare you the gruesome details of all that though. Those who were around me at the time know what I am talking about. I, too, am lucky to be alive. I don't think I have to tell you how I went into premature labor. Basically if you are thinking the worst,you are right.
I was very young,just 18 at the time. I had not been to prenatal classes yet,or read any books on pregnancy. I was estranged from my family at the time and had no one to tell me what to expect. No one to tell me what to read or how to prepare. I had no idea there was even such a thing as premature labor.
I went into labor in my 16th week.I was in labor for 3 days. By the 3rd day the pain was so bad that I could not walk and all I could do was lay in bed sceaming from the pain. The reason it went on for 3 days was because Nephi's dad refused to take me to the hospital. ( he was mad at me for missing work).When he finally did, the doctor said we needed to deliver now. Huh? what!!??? I had no idea what he was talking about. I went into it blind in the sense that I had NO idea what was going on. Nephi was out in about 5 minutes. He had been in the birth canal for at least 2 days ,So he was black and blue. His skin was transparent, and he did not even have real fingernails yet. He weighed under 2 pounds. The doctor told me to not get my hopes up because he only had a 5 percent chance of surviving. Despite all the turmoil in my life at the time I was still as active in church as I could be. And at that moment I felt no fear,just comfort and without thinking I told the doctor "NO, he will live". The medical staff was hesitant but went ahead and got to work on him. They put him in a bed of tinfoil and saran wrap...to simulate the warm womb I guess. They needed to keep him heated. He had tubes coming out of...everywhere!!!His lungs were not fully developed so he could not cry,or breathe on his own but he could move his arms and legs. He was alive and I had no idea yet what a miracle it was that he lived. I am still trying to process all that 13 years later!!! He was given a blessing by my father in law at the time and some other priesthood in the ward. He was then ailrlifted to Foothills hospital in calgary and that was Nephi's home and Mine for the next 4 months. I lived in a hostel,in a little room all by myself and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I did not have very many visitors and I was lonely and depressed. not to mention I was still a teenager so I did not fully understand everything that was going on or the seriousness of it. The medical talk was all foreign to me and nobody tried to help me understand. One Foreign doctor even tried to get me to hand over my baby for experimental blood transfusions!! Thankfully I had at least enough sense to tell him to back off. I really had no support system there with me but we got through it. Heavenly Father carried me through those horrible months and watched over my son, and he lived. He had heart surgery shortly before he was old enough to come home, and other than that has had no health problems at all. Preemies have to go to the doctor for frequent check ups every few months. The doctors were always amazed at how he pulled through with no health problems. They would call in the rest of the staff and say "come look at this baby. Can you believe this!??" I would just smile to myself becausae I knew exactly how it was possible. The Priesthood is real and it is healing,even when it is not humanly or scientifically or medically possible,when it is the Lords will. And Like I said before, i am still processing everything that happened. But I do know that I am so so thankful that I was in tune with the spirit enough to tell the doctors to please not give up. the fact that I was immediately comforted tells me that my son was meant to live. He has a purpose here on this earth today.I believe there were angels in the delivery room that day...
Nephi is very smart. He is a sience guy. Not into sports. he can tell me the inner workings of any comuter,tv,or electronic device and it is completely over my head. He's smart. He reads his scriptures without me reminding him. 2 chapters every night. Thats more than I read, I am ashamed to admit.
I can't believe he is 13. A teenager. I am not ready for the teen angst and rebellion. Hopefully with him there will be none of that. He's too good a kid. He's too special. It makes me sad because I want my kids to stay little. We haven't even been to Disneyworld yet!!!
My kids are growing up. Too fast. Time does not last long enough.
I will add a picture later when I get to the other computer..so be sure to check back,Nephi's a handsome one!!!
(oh, and for the record, I did leave the abusive monster,but thats another long story....And i am happily married now as you all know, to a perfect man. For real. He's perfect.)
my baby ...a.k.a....oldest child, Nephi, turned 13 yesterday. I can't believe it. How dare he grow up!!!!..just yesterday he was a teeny tiny baby that was born 4 months premature,fought for his life after heart surgery, and beat the odds when he lived with no preemie side effects.
Here's how it went.
His father was very abusive. And me being pregnant did not make a difference in how violent he was. I will spare you the gruesome details of all that though. Those who were around me at the time know what I am talking about. I, too, am lucky to be alive. I don't think I have to tell you how I went into premature labor. Basically if you are thinking the worst,you are right.
I was very young,just 18 at the time. I had not been to prenatal classes yet,or read any books on pregnancy. I was estranged from my family at the time and had no one to tell me what to expect. No one to tell me what to read or how to prepare. I had no idea there was even such a thing as premature labor.
I went into labor in my 16th week.I was in labor for 3 days. By the 3rd day the pain was so bad that I could not walk and all I could do was lay in bed sceaming from the pain. The reason it went on for 3 days was because Nephi's dad refused to take me to the hospital. ( he was mad at me for missing work).When he finally did, the doctor said we needed to deliver now. Huh? what!!??? I had no idea what he was talking about. I went into it blind in the sense that I had NO idea what was going on. Nephi was out in about 5 minutes. He had been in the birth canal for at least 2 days ,So he was black and blue. His skin was transparent, and he did not even have real fingernails yet. He weighed under 2 pounds. The doctor told me to not get my hopes up because he only had a 5 percent chance of surviving. Despite all the turmoil in my life at the time I was still as active in church as I could be. And at that moment I felt no fear,just comfort and without thinking I told the doctor "NO, he will live". The medical staff was hesitant but went ahead and got to work on him. They put him in a bed of tinfoil and saran wrap...to simulate the warm womb I guess. They needed to keep him heated. He had tubes coming out of...everywhere!!!His lungs were not fully developed so he could not cry,or breathe on his own but he could move his arms and legs. He was alive and I had no idea yet what a miracle it was that he lived. I am still trying to process all that 13 years later!!! He was given a blessing by my father in law at the time and some other priesthood in the ward. He was then ailrlifted to Foothills hospital in calgary and that was Nephi's home and Mine for the next 4 months. I lived in a hostel,in a little room all by myself and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I did not have very many visitors and I was lonely and depressed. not to mention I was still a teenager so I did not fully understand everything that was going on or the seriousness of it. The medical talk was all foreign to me and nobody tried to help me understand. One Foreign doctor even tried to get me to hand over my baby for experimental blood transfusions!! Thankfully I had at least enough sense to tell him to back off. I really had no support system there with me but we got through it. Heavenly Father carried me through those horrible months and watched over my son, and he lived. He had heart surgery shortly before he was old enough to come home, and other than that has had no health problems at all. Preemies have to go to the doctor for frequent check ups every few months. The doctors were always amazed at how he pulled through with no health problems. They would call in the rest of the staff and say "come look at this baby. Can you believe this!??" I would just smile to myself becausae I knew exactly how it was possible. The Priesthood is real and it is healing,even when it is not humanly or scientifically or medically possible,when it is the Lords will. And Like I said before, i am still processing everything that happened. But I do know that I am so so thankful that I was in tune with the spirit enough to tell the doctors to please not give up. the fact that I was immediately comforted tells me that my son was meant to live. He has a purpose here on this earth today.I believe there were angels in the delivery room that day...
Nephi is very smart. He is a sience guy. Not into sports. he can tell me the inner workings of any comuter,tv,or electronic device and it is completely over my head. He's smart. He reads his scriptures without me reminding him. 2 chapters every night. Thats more than I read, I am ashamed to admit.
I can't believe he is 13. A teenager. I am not ready for the teen angst and rebellion. Hopefully with him there will be none of that. He's too good a kid. He's too special. It makes me sad because I want my kids to stay little. We haven't even been to Disneyworld yet!!!
My kids are growing up. Too fast. Time does not last long enough.
I will add a picture later when I get to the other computer..so be sure to check back,Nephi's a handsome one!!!
(oh, and for the record, I did leave the abusive monster,but thats another long story....And i am happily married now as you all know, to a perfect man. For real. He's perfect.)
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Impressed with myself
Yes, I am. So impressed indeed. I finished Megans quilt. She will get it for christmas so it is a secret right now. I am excited that it turned out so well. The back of the quilt is a sheet. Megan does not like the top sheet on her bed. It gets all wrinkled underneath the blanket and it drives her crazy. So rather than leave it sitting in the linen closet I decidede to use it as the back of the quilt. I need to iron out some crinkles,which ,I know, I should have done before I sewed it all together but I am an amateur quilt maker and it just didn't occurr to me to do it. I also have been told that is is a good idea to wash the fabric before sewing. I have never ever washed my fabric before sewing. I have never had a problem from not prewashing so I guess its just a personal decision. I am really enjoying this. I finally have time to do things like this again. I used to make all Megans dresses when she was little and then, well, life happened and sewing and crafting took a back seat to everything else. I am excited to be in a place now where i can have actual hobbies for myself. Very excited.And I have a wonderful hubby to thank for it. He works hard for us to have what we want.Next is Elias's. I got the fabric for his yesterday. I have a sheet to use for the back of his too. I'll show it to you in a few days when it is finished. yay!!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Sunday thought: Tithing
I am sick today and therefore skipping curch.
One thing I struggle with sometimes is paying tithing. I know I need to and I know it is the right thing to do. but sometimes I can't help but feel a tad greedy,especially right now, because I really want to buy some Alexander Henry apples and pears fabric. And I AM going to pay my tithing.I will not let myself be greedy. I just feel like, this fabric was hard to find and I really want it and I can still get some, just not as much as if I kept that tithing money. But honestly, I would feel guilty. And how would I tell Chris that I spend his tithing money on fabric? Yeah, would not be a cool thing to do. So I will get a little bit of fabric, and next week ,hopefully, I will still be able to find somemore. Really, I looked all over for it. Cally told me where she got hers and I got all excited just to find out they don't have anymore. But I did find some. A little more than my price range,but I am willing to pay it because I really love it. I am doing valances for my kitchen with it.Maybe a matching apron so I can look all domestic and cute at the same time like June Cleaver.
Anyways, back to tithing.
Years ago ,when I was a single mom of 3, I was faced with the tough decision of buying groceries,or paying my tithing. I was always able to provide my kids with all their needs, and most of the time even their wants,but I had a tough month work wise and that months pay just wasn't enough. We barely had any food in the house. Normally I had enough food stored for months like this,but we had used it and I hadn't had the chance ,or the money, to replenish it.I had some other money but I could not risk having the lights cut off and as a woman alone with 3 kids I needed a working phone.I gathered the kids together and explained that we wouldn't be able to have our movie night(we always either rented movies,or went to the dollar theatre on friday nights),and we could not go shopping for food because I really had to pay tithing. So I did. nephi,who was 8 at the time, and newly baptized, asked how we were going to get food. I explained that if we pay our tithing that Heavenly Father will not let us go hungry.We need to have Faith and through Faith miracles happen. I promised him we would get a miracle if we did what was right. We would be provided for. (In my mind though I was terrified of my kids going hungry. I was worried deep down that having no food for my family was punishment for other things I had done in my past.)I told him that we just needed to get on our knees and ask Heavenly Father to provide mommy with more work,and hopefully some work where I could be paid right away. So we did. We knelt and said a prayer and I tucked the kids into bed. It was friday,so we were having our weekly friday night campout in the living room. The doorbell rang,I am not even kidding,less than 20 minutes after we ended the prayer. It was sister Pollack. We were serving in primary together at the time.She did not know about my financial situation-nobody did. She explained to me that there was a ton of food left over from the church function that night. ( our ward had over 700 members so it was rare to have anything left over after a function).She said my name came to her mind as she was leaving the church and she decided to bring it right over to me. She said she didn't know why but she was sure I needed it. After we brought the food in, I noticed Nephi standing there with his mouth open,jaw to the floor. And he shouted out "mom, you were right!!!it's a miracle!!!" I could not believe it either. I was simply hoping for some extra work ,which I did get,but we were provided with food immediately too. I told the kids we needed to get on our knees and thank God for this miracle. And we did. And There was so much food that it lasted about 4 weeks. I think about this every week when I am faced with my greedy thoughts(unfortunately there are many). It doesn't take long for me snap into reality and know what I need to do and I do it with a happy heart. I think about that night everyday when I am faced with problems and I remember how God works in ways that we don't even realize and can't fully comprehend in this life. Sister Pollack was in tune with the spirit and through her our prayers were answered.Not to mention all the sisters in the ward who cooked way too much food that day!!! To them I will always be grateful. Because not were we able to eat and not go hungry,but this was the moment when Nephi knew the church is true without a doubt. He told me so.I hope my kids grow up always remembering that night.For me, the best part was watching my children see their prayers anwers right before their eyes!!!
One thing I struggle with sometimes is paying tithing. I know I need to and I know it is the right thing to do. but sometimes I can't help but feel a tad greedy,especially right now, because I really want to buy some Alexander Henry apples and pears fabric. And I AM going to pay my tithing.I will not let myself be greedy. I just feel like, this fabric was hard to find and I really want it and I can still get some, just not as much as if I kept that tithing money. But honestly, I would feel guilty. And how would I tell Chris that I spend his tithing money on fabric? Yeah, would not be a cool thing to do. So I will get a little bit of fabric, and next week ,hopefully, I will still be able to find somemore. Really, I looked all over for it. Cally told me where she got hers and I got all excited just to find out they don't have anymore. But I did find some. A little more than my price range,but I am willing to pay it because I really love it. I am doing valances for my kitchen with it.Maybe a matching apron so I can look all domestic and cute at the same time like June Cleaver.
Anyways, back to tithing.
Years ago ,when I was a single mom of 3, I was faced with the tough decision of buying groceries,or paying my tithing. I was always able to provide my kids with all their needs, and most of the time even their wants,but I had a tough month work wise and that months pay just wasn't enough. We barely had any food in the house. Normally I had enough food stored for months like this,but we had used it and I hadn't had the chance ,or the money, to replenish it.I had some other money but I could not risk having the lights cut off and as a woman alone with 3 kids I needed a working phone.I gathered the kids together and explained that we wouldn't be able to have our movie night(we always either rented movies,or went to the dollar theatre on friday nights),and we could not go shopping for food because I really had to pay tithing. So I did. nephi,who was 8 at the time, and newly baptized, asked how we were going to get food. I explained that if we pay our tithing that Heavenly Father will not let us go hungry.We need to have Faith and through Faith miracles happen. I promised him we would get a miracle if we did what was right. We would be provided for. (In my mind though I was terrified of my kids going hungry. I was worried deep down that having no food for my family was punishment for other things I had done in my past.)I told him that we just needed to get on our knees and ask Heavenly Father to provide mommy with more work,and hopefully some work where I could be paid right away. So we did. We knelt and said a prayer and I tucked the kids into bed. It was friday,so we were having our weekly friday night campout in the living room. The doorbell rang,I am not even kidding,less than 20 minutes after we ended the prayer. It was sister Pollack. We were serving in primary together at the time.She did not know about my financial situation-nobody did. She explained to me that there was a ton of food left over from the church function that night. ( our ward had over 700 members so it was rare to have anything left over after a function).She said my name came to her mind as she was leaving the church and she decided to bring it right over to me. She said she didn't know why but she was sure I needed it. After we brought the food in, I noticed Nephi standing there with his mouth open,jaw to the floor. And he shouted out "mom, you were right!!!it's a miracle!!!" I could not believe it either. I was simply hoping for some extra work ,which I did get,but we were provided with food immediately too. I told the kids we needed to get on our knees and thank God for this miracle. And we did. And There was so much food that it lasted about 4 weeks. I think about this every week when I am faced with my greedy thoughts(unfortunately there are many). It doesn't take long for me snap into reality and know what I need to do and I do it with a happy heart. I think about that night everyday when I am faced with problems and I remember how God works in ways that we don't even realize and can't fully comprehend in this life. Sister Pollack was in tune with the spirit and through her our prayers were answered.Not to mention all the sisters in the ward who cooked way too much food that day!!! To them I will always be grateful. Because not were we able to eat and not go hungry,but this was the moment when Nephi knew the church is true without a doubt. He told me so.I hope my kids grow up always remembering that night.For me, the best part was watching my children see their prayers anwers right before their eyes!!!
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